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6.10.2002
6.09.2002 Oh, and I can't figure out how to do that shadow text shit inside a table. I got a complicated template that uses some weird ass css and shit, so I'm having a hard time trying to keep it straight. I'll figure it out later on, I suppose.
So we go to her sisters house for just a little bit, to see her new baby, then we head over to my real mom's house. I got to see my half brother and adopted sister, it was really cool. I would like to go up there and stay a couple of days this week, but I don't really have the extra money to do that. I really wish that I did, since I feel more at ease around my real mom, since she is so so so cool and everything. We're a lot alike, really. We act about the same, even though she's 21 years older than I am. And she's got that rare kidney disease that they can't cure, that only 60 people in Ohio have. = ( After that, we didn't have too much fun. So we ended up going home, ever so fucking slowly on that tire, but we made it. Oh, about the tire, the sidewall blew out. Well, I'm not sure, but that's what I think. The sidewall is ripped halfway around the whole side, which is really fucked up. I didn't hit anything, since I was on the 4lane, and there were cars all around me. I'm taking the tire back tomorrow, since I think it was defective. I got it in September, and I haven't even went 5000 miles on it yet, and it's a 100000 mile tire. I'm about sure it blew from the inside. My sister gave me some purple hair stuff and a belly shirt of hers that she can't wear anymore, since she's bigger than me, and she's only 14. I'll wear it out when I go out thursday evening. I like my family, that part of the family anyway. Oh, so I was thinking about going into the police academy really soon. I just want to get to the good stuff, you know? I did some looking and found a police academy near here, which I'm going to call tomorrow and see what's up. Then I'll go to the gym every day while I'm taking that, and I'll be really buffed by the time training is over. I need to be big so they'll take me more seriously, you know? I want to be really solid and big, which is something that I've always wanted to be. I'm very determined, so I think that I can do it. No, I know that I can do it. I can be really solid if I want to, since I'm already damn solid, I'm just not that bulky. You can bounce quarters off of my stomach and everything, so it shouldn't take me much effort to build that up. Any suggestions? Things seem pretty chill today, my grandmother isn't talking to me much, guess she's still pretty pissed. This is a good thing, complete silence is better than the yelling that drives me up the fucking wall. I'm just really bored, which is alright with me, for now. No idea what I'm doing today, probably not a damn thing. Oh, I might have to move this site really soon, since I told them that I would have the money in by this coming friday for my hosting, and it don't look like that's going to happen. I think I'll start on the new layout and get prepared to move it soon. = (
6.08.2002 Yeah, trying to control me by regulating how I do my hair. She says she isn't going to help me do anything as long as I spike my hair, what the fuck, right? The constant yelling is just driving me up the wall. I'm not even going to mention exactly everything that she bitches about, cause it's just too bad. I don't have enough cash to move out and I don't know anyone that I can move in with, so that sucks. However, I think that I'm going to go to Columbus and stay with my real mom tomorrow, perhaps stay until Thursday or something, cause I have to get away from here. When I get really pissed off, I start to shake, and that's been happening a lot recently. I don't even know how I put my liquid eyeliner on yesterday before I went out when she was bitching. It's from where I hold in all the anger, and it just causes me to shake. Besides that, when my heart rate goes up when I'm really nervous or pissed, I get a heart murmer. I had one that night I was at the hospital and I had a heartrate of 135 per minute. The doctor said it was probably only because my pulse was so high, but I started to think about the fact that my heartrate gets that high pretty often, since I'm nervous or pissed most of the time. I'm just fucking sick of everything, blah. There's more going on than what meets the eye, as far as bad shit goes, but I won't go there right now. I still feel good about myself and everything, but now I'm just pissed off about my surroundings and some of the fucking stupid people that cross my path. And I really fucking hate having a headache all the fucking time because she won't fucking shut her yap trap. Geeze, I cuss a lot, but never that much in once sentence. As for the rest of the day, I wish that I had something to do. I need to get out of the house, but I have nothing to do until a bit later on tonight. Fuck, I have to blast the music on my computer right now so I can't hear her. If I have to listen to it, I'm going to go nuts, I swear. A person can only take so much, you know? When you have someone bitching at you constantly, you can only take so much of it. Anyway, I guess that I'll just have to go downtown or something and sit at a park or something until I need to come back here and get ready to go out. Fuck, I'm starting to shake again.
6.07.2002 Ahem, anyway... I'm going to go out tonight and mingle around, since there isn't much more to do. This is the last weekend at Ohio University, so I'm going to go up there and bid my friends a fond farewell and all that nice shit. After this weekend, there won't be hardly anyone up there, which is really going to suck. It's just nice to go up there to hang out and meet new people, especially since I've been feeling so much more at ease around people recently. I have to turn my application in to Shawn tonight, for the bartender position. The weather is looking up again, thankfully. It's been terrible the past few days, couldn't believe it when it hailed the other night! I don't know the fate of this site, unless I get some money within a week, I might have to move it somewhere else really fast. I have it setup to where I can move it to Bitchy.nu, but I really hate to do it so suddenly, I wanted to transition slowly, you know? We'll see, I'm sure it will all work out. Oh, and I'm going to see about getting into the police academy, and see about getting a membership to a gym. That shit will take some time, though.
6.06.2002 Otherwise, not dick going on around here. I just chill out and try to make new friends all the time. Since I've been feeling so much better, it's a lot easier for me to talk to people. I'm not trying to find anyone to go out with or anything, I'm just looking for new friends to talk to, you know? It always used to be about getting the hookup, but now I'm just looking for people to talk to. I've learned that I should just be strictly friendly with people, it makes things nicer that way. I have no idea what I'm going to do until this evening. I have shit to do this evening, but until then, I don't have any idea of what to do. On top of that, the weather is shitty and it's all raining. I feel so much better when the weather is all nice and hot outside. It don't matter, since I've been feeling so much better recently. I wish that I had more to tell you, but that's pretty much it for now.
6.05.2002 Anyway, I had a nice day yesterday. A friend of mine and I got out during the daytime and rode around, enjoying the nice weather. It was 90 degrees yesterday, I was loving it. I come alive during the hot weather, summertime is my time. It actually hailed last night, which shocked the shit out of me. That's alright, since it appears to be nice outside right now. I might get ready and go downtown, just to get outside. I'm supposed to go somewhere to see about something at about 3pm, and then my best friend is coming over later, and we're going to do something. Life is good right now, for the most part. Things could be better, alot better, but the important thing is that I am content with myself. I get all happy when I head the song "In the middle" by Jimmy eat world, cause it's how I used to feel not too long ago, and the song just makes me feel better. (though my best friend hates that song) I need to download that song right now, since I haven't got around to doing that yet. Maybe I'll post more later on today.
6.04.2002 I guess that I could cook something and watch tv, woohoo what an exciting morning, right? I guess that I could watch more of the episodes of Angel that I've downloaded. As for real shit to do, there's nothing. I can't even call anyone, cause I know that everyone is in bed this early, blah. I laid out for about a half hour yesterday, then it kinda got a little dreary outside. Laying out bores me, I can't hardly sit still long enough to do it. Sunless tanning lotion is more my thing. I'm so bored that I could scream, and things shall get even more boring this summer. I guess that I'll have to find something to keep myself entertained, though I'm not quite sure what that would be. I just need to take this summer to reflect on what I need and want to do after the summer is over, you know? It's almost like I'm in a rut right now, but it's not too bad. Kinda hard to explain, yeah.
6.03.2002 I've got myself back on the awake during the daytime pattern now, which is a damn good thing, since it's starting to be all nice outside and everything. It hurt my eyes like a mutha when I went outside yesterday morning. It was like in that episode of Angel where he puts on that special ring and then he can go into the daylight, and then he shields his eyes when he goes out into the sin cause it's so bright. I was just like damn it's bright, phew. I'm so obsessed, it's a problem, though a nice one. Some people get hooked on crack, I get hooked on Angel. Whatever works that isn't bad for you, right? Angel is kinda bad for me, since it makes me really raise my expectations of men, you know? There sure the hell isn't ever going to be anyone around here or anywhere else hardly, that I will be able to find, that will be able to measure up to David Boreanaz. The man is just fine, take my desktop for example:
6.02.2002 Interesting evening last night, but not too terribly interesting. I get all kinds of information, that's about it. I like gathering information, it makes real life look like a soap show. Not much else going on up in here until tuesday, whee. I'll probably just stay up a while longer and watch a few more episodes of Angel, then let Kazaa download some new shit for me to watch while I'm asleep. I might as well be a vampire, I never do really get to see the light, with my scheduling and all. I have the theme to Angel running through my head no matter where I go, heh.
6.01.2002 I don't know what the sudden change was for me, just something changed the way that I feel inside, I still can't describe it or put my finger on it. I hope that nothing sucky will happen to make it all crash down, since I know that this could probably get fucked up pretty bad. I really haven't felt this good about myself in a long time, and I really hope it lasts. I smile a lot more now than I used to, for some odd reason. It's just weird feeling something that you can't really explain. Now, if we can just clear up that damn acne...
5.30.2002
5.29.2002 And all those bastards that write computer virus's, that mostly seem to happen to be from other countries. I just can't help it, the way to get something done is not to destroy someone's computer, which mine cost $1600 and now it's pretty fucked up.
5.28.2002
5.27.2002
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